COOKING FOR LAZY PEOPLE: raspberry crumble

Summertime gives me the urge to wear gingham and take leisurely walks and bake pies and pretend that my life is a Martha Stewart Living spread. In reality, my life is more like a National Enquirer spread  that would have the headline "TEENAGE GIRL BECOMES PERMANENTLY GLUED TO COUCH. DESTINED TO WATCH HOARDERS MARATHON FOR ETERNITY. "

Determined to change my lackluster lifestyle, I put on a dress and LEISURELY WALKED to the supermarket to purchase pre-made pie dough and berries. Turns out, my grocery store was bought out by a bigger chain of grocery stores and is about to close for a week to transform itself into a corporate monster switch over. There was no pie dough to be found and the shelves were nearly bare. It was actually kind of fun. I felt like I was in an episode of the The Walking Dead, scavenging for supplies. I was literally lost in the supermarket (CONTRIBUTE TO MY ZINE!). The store was trying to get rid of the produce, so I bought a bunch of raspberries for super cheap.

Without pie crust, I decided to make a crumble. Some annoying weirdo might be like "WHY DON'T YOU JUST MAKE PIE CRUST, STUPID?" Ugh because that requires a rolling pin and an attention span, two things I don't have.  Plus, my favorite part of pie is the filling and a crumble is just like glorified pie filling topped with sugar cookie-like bits. WHO CAN DENY SUGAR-COOKIE LIKE BITS?

Recipe

Topping:

1 1/3 cup flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

3 tablespoons sugar

3 tablespoons brown sugar

1 stick of butter, melted (i cut it up and melt it in the microwave)

Filling:

4 pints of raspberries (i also added in a handful of blueberries that were in my fridge and a peach i had lying around. so culinary!)

2 tablespoons of sugar

pinch of salt

(you can basically use any kind of fruit for this. alter the amount of sugar depending on the sweetness of the fruit.)

1. Heat oven to 375. Mix together flour, sugars, and baking powder in a bowl. Add in the melted butter and mix until clumps form. Stick it in the fridge.

2. Toss berries, sugar, and salt together in casserole dish, pie plate, or whatever oven safe glass thing you've got. 

3. Take the topping out of the fridge and sprinkle evenly over the fruit. Place your dish on a baking sheet so the HOT MOLTEN FRUIT JUICE doesn't spill over onto your oven. Bake until golden brown and bubbly, about 45 minutes. Serve with vanilla ice cream or not, if you don't have a soul.

-Gabby

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: Lost in The Supermarket Zine

I am tired of the idea pushed to people, usually women, that food = calories, calories = evil, therefore food = evil. I want to talk about food in the context of memories and stories. SO I’M MAKING A ZINE.

HERE IS WHAT I NEED FROM YOU:

+STORIES/ESSAYS somehow related to food

Tell me about your first kiss and how you were super nervous because you just ate a bag of sour cream & onion chips and your breath really smelled. Talk about weird, late night encounters at the grocery store. Other ideas: memorable birthday cakes/baking experiments gone wrong/foods that you associate with your exes/strange cravings.

+RECIPES

Weird munchie concoctions accepted.

+POETRY/SONGS/ANY OTHER ARTWORK 

If you submit, I will send you a copy of the zine/mix cd comprised of songs with food related lyrics/special surprise gift.

Email me at noonegabrielle@gmail.com or send things to my ask box. Include your first (and last, if you feel inclined) name, age, and address (just to send you things, not to publish)

DEADLINE: July 14th

PLEASE HELP ME SMASH THE PASTRY-ARCHY

xo, Gabby

IT'S ALL HAPPENING

HI THERE! Here is an update on my life in iPhone photos.

I GOT INTO COLLEGE! I will be calling Barnard home for the next couple of years. If you live in New York, contact me if you're interested in recreating the plot of The Muppets Take Manhattan with me in the fall.

EQUALLY IMPORTANT ACCOMPLISHMENT: found this perfectly worn Justin Bieber t-shirt at Goodwill. If you think that I am wearing this ironically, we cannot be friends. I have gotten Bieber fever ever since I found out that he loves fondue as much as I do.

 The way to a teenage girls heart is funfetti batter. It is the nectar of the goddesses. Here are some funfetti cakes balls that I made that did not fall apart!

 My vintage apron collection is multiplying.

I embroidered my family (not literally ew gross). This is my dad.

I embroidered a gang girl. This is not my dad.

I went to prom! I am literally prom's biggest fan. There is nothing like flailing your arms to "Call Me Maybe" while admiring how shockingly good your schoolmates look when they bathe and put on jewel toned polyester outfits.

 BEHOLD: I found satin Christian Louboutins at Goodwill for $9.97. They are probably the most luxurious item I've ever owned, therefore I will inevitably spill spaghetti sauce on them.

 Melamine cups, vintage patterns, floral sheets, and other exciting thrift store finds.

 Iced coffee tastes better when served from a cup featuring small children with no reproductive organs!


I graduate high school in less than two weeks. I should probably be nostalgic and all, but I truly cannot wait to be able to pee without asking for a pass to the bathroom.

-Gabby

INCEPTION COOKIES

I have never actually seen Inception because I'm too busy watching more culturally influential films like Disney PROM, but I hear it's about people having dreams within dreams and then like Leonardo Dicaprio drowns and this old lady recounts it. I might be getting it confused with something else?

Anyways, these cookies are the Inception of cookies (I think). They contain milk's favorite cookie WITHIN A COOKIE!

That's right. Oreos baked into chocolate chip cookies. Decadent? Sure. Unnecessary? Maybe. But you know what else  is decadent and unnecessary? Salad spinners. Snuggies. Baby Mozart DVDs. I don't see anyone complaining about those things. 

These are so simple to concoct. You just need:

+Store bought cookie dough or your favorite recipe (This one never fails me)

+Package of Oreos (I used Safeway Tuxedos because I'm cheap and also the package had penguins on it)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Scoop out balls of cookie dough about 2 tablespoons big. Place one ball on top of an Oreo and another underneath. Seal edges by pressing the dough around the edges of the Oreo until it's covered in dough. Place cookie about 2.5 inches apart on a parchment covered baking sheet. Bake for about 13-15 minutes until done to your liking. SERVE TO UNSUSPECTING GUESTS AND ROCK THEIR WORLD FOREVERMORE.

B. Page

I know, I know, one month and no post?  I've been bogged down by ~teen stuff (college apps, homework, clubs, releasing pent up aggression at metal concerts etc.), but I have managed to fit in some embroidery!

I'm working on this depiction of Bettie Page for art class. I found the vintage plaid fabric and the green fabric at two different thrift stores on the same day and knew they were the perfect match for this project. The arts and crafts gods are smiling upon me, for sure.

Tonight is Halloween and I am going to be Zombie Deschanel. What are you guys dressing up as?

-Gabby

DORMITORY DREAMS.

I've started applying to college and it's really exciting and weird at the same time. I don't feel like I should be a senior in high school, but that's probably because seniors in high school on TV are well groomed and 28 years old and I am neither of those things.


Focusing on writing college essays is really hard because APPARENTLY IT'S NOT SCHOLARLY TO USE ALL CAPS?! But, in the mean time, I've been really good at collecting images for future dorm room inspiration.

Yeah I know this is a little kids room. Do you have a problem? I have been searching for the perfect rainbow afghan at thrift stores for so long, but I am weary of buying a used blanket (BED BUGS).

Fringe curtains would be so awesome to hang against the wall or in the middle of the room, in case I end up with, like, a nudist roommate and need some privacy.

I can't wait to hang some twinkle lights and string pretty things on the walls. Do you think a Hanson poster would match this motif, yes? No?

(image sources: 1. 2. 3.)
-Gabby

fall is here, hear the yell.

School started last week and it hasn't been terrible, but I'm not saying I prefer it to waking up at 11 and making luxurious pancake breakfasts on weekdays. It suddenly feels like fall, which means I can finally  wear black tights with everything again and pumpkin flavored stuff is all over the place! Am I the only one who finds it weird that pumpkin stuff is seasonal? I understand the whole in-season produce thing, but our society has managed to preserve enough fruit to make peach, cherry, and blueberry pie year round, but you can only find pumpkin for like two months and that's it! It's a conspiracy.

Last weekend, I hung out with my friend James and he took some outfit shots for me. He is gifted with this newfangled  picture taking device called a "camera." I thought people only used cell phones to take photographs! 

I wore: DIY denim vest/H&M via Goodwill polka dot top/ thrifted vintage Coach bag/Urban Outfitters shorts/Vans oxfords/ my mom's Bakelite pin.

Please don't be envious of my ladylike posture.

How was your first week of school?

-Gabby